Oh… This again?

Haven’t written in a while: No excuse for it.

Life update in no order:
1. Moved.
2. I have a job. Been there since the beginning of this year.
3. Have boyfriend (yes, it is the one that got away. Got him again and no intention of letting go)
4. New pet. Pixi Frog and his name is GamaBunta Pixis. (Picture soon)

As for crochet. It has been on and off. I’ve been branching out to baking, soap making, and other odd things I come across on YouTube. Doesn’t mean I still don’t love crochet. It is still near and dear to my heart.

**Sigh**

I’m just trying to get back into the groove of writing. I want to take more time for myself and this is just one of the outlets. I still want this to be largely about crochet but I can’t keep it so simple. I always want to express myself and writing out my life and thoughts will just come with this blog. I guess that’s not so odd.

Avoiding The Inevitable? Maybe…

Hearts are fickle and incredibly annoying. So often I have commented in conversation how much I can hate my heart because of this exact trait. I prefer to plan out my life with all major aspects, including my love life. Yeah, I know how that sounds. Doesn’t change the fact that that is the sort of person I am.

I’m rambling because ‘The One That Got Away’ a number of years ago is back in my life. You know who I’m talking about. You probably have one too. Yeah, its not the same actual person! But the idea, the symbol is always the same. You had a relationship with them and, for whatever reason, it didn’t work out. You never forget them though. He is mine… and apparently I am his. *Head hits wall*

He’s blonde too. Damn it. I’ve got a soft spot for those.

It’s too early for anything and he knows this. I know it too. No plans in the immediate future.

I can’t even think of anything to write up about my crochet. Not that I’m not working on it… I’m just keeping my items quick and easy so I have more to add to my inventory in a shorter amount of time.

Here is a really simple and cool design that I'm thinking writing up a tutorial for. Next post maybe.

Here is a really simple and cool design that I’m thinking writing up a tutorial for. Next post maybe.

Oops! Forgot the Title.

Its been a month. A HELL of a month.

Single. Miss him Terribly. Try desperately not to think of it. I was the one to break it off in the first place. I believe (Hope, pray, convince) myself it’s all for the best. If not then JOKES ON ME! Terrible humor.

Picking up those life pieces and trying to make a new picture. *Sighhhhhh* Fit broken pieces… Fit damn it!

I’m doing better. issues are being resolved and I can focus on doing better for myself again. I’m even taking the time to create an actual social life. People I see regularly. First time was rough. Mild panic attack ensued. Trembling, nausea, fluttering heart. The usual. Wrote a poem about it. It’s about a jumbled as I am in those situations.

Crochet!

I’m doing it again people. (The 10s of you that read this.) This time I think I got something really fun. Pic of it below. The word ‘feisty’ has been used to describe recently so I put that word to yarn, in my own special way. Of course I wanted it cute too. If anyone knows how to make something made of yarn ferocious you let me know. Thank you.

I hope you’re all doing well. I really mean that. I know life can really take a toll. I have been there a long with a lot of people. It gets better as long as you work to take care of yourself. You can always be even better to yourself. Tell yourself you’re pretty. You’re clever. You’re all good things. Because you are.

I send positivity to you and the universe!

Click the pic to see the listing for this item. It would be the coolest of beans.

Click the pic to see the listing for this item. It would be the coolest of beans.

Low Points Are Here But Not Forever… I Hope.

It is always difficult when you are really trying to change your life. Not even in a huge way but just taking better care, working more towards goals, trying to even change aspects of your personality that you don’t like. It’s hard… And sometimes you mess up and hurt people. It’s not something you intentionally do. I guess it all comes down to trial and error. *sigh*

Yesterday was rough. Huge fight. Misunderstandings. Hurt feelings. Mistrust and lots and lots of anger.

When people don’t believe in what you are doing it can be a very troubling thought to process. When your own family believes are you spiraling down it… is disparaging. It’s crippling, sorrowful, maddening and a number of other feelings all rolled up into a bolder that could crush you if you’re not careful.

But what can I do? I’ve made my choices in my life. I want to push forward and make a life for myself that I will be happy with. Please understand that I will mess up along the way but it doesn’t mean that I am ‘spiraling’. I always work to be a good person and now I’m branching out in life. School, learning new skills, and working on my social circle with positive and interesting people. (I actually have social anxieties and it’s difficult for me to meet people and create relationships – friendship-wise. Even this blog is a bit out of my comfort zone.)

I didn’t mean to hurt anyone with my thoughtless actions. I apologized but you’re still mad. So, I will have to prove that I will continue to make an effort to better myself and hopefully one day you will forgive me. If you decide not to then I hope you will at least see the positive changes I am striving for one day.

Sorry, no crochet today. I’m WAY too depressed. Please send positivity this way if you get a chance. I could use it!

Come In and Crochet A While

Oh hey, yeah my life is settling down. And when I say settling down I mean that I have had a small battle against depression these last few days. For the most part I win these mini battles. Keeping busy is really one of the best ways to do that for myself nowadays. For example: I’ve spent most of today coming up with this little tutorial. I’ve never done one so I hope if anyone does do this it works out for them.

Ok, this took me a few hours to come up with but what the heck! I wanted to see if I could even do something like this in the first place.

The thing I really love about this bag is that it is SO simple it really is the perfect sort of beginning project for new people coming into crochet and wanted to learn a few different techniques in one project with ease. For newbies, you will learn from this project how to crochet a circle, how to change color, and how to get a simple bag shape.

NOTE: This is written as if you know the very basics of crochet including, casting on, chains, types of stitches, and finishing. If someone really wants me to go over the beginning basics than let me know and I will do my best to accommodate you. Also, I will include pictures to help explain some of the technique but I make no promises that they actually help. It’s not like I have professional equipment to take decent pictures or video so I ask you to please work with me.
What you need:

• 7 yarn colors of your choice
• Scissors
• Yarn needle
• Crochet Hook (I always use size I 5.50mm for mine.)

IMG_5989

Let’s begin:

First thing you want to do is pick 7 colors of yarn. They can be any colors you wish and even any type. I usually deal with acrylic or acrylic blends because they are sturdy, usually machine washable and they have a colorful collection to choose from. I also chose from the same color pallets (ex. Blue/green, pink/purples) just because I think it looks nice. I am using size 4 – Worsted yarn because it’s easiest to deal with for me and gives me the size of bag I want. Feel free to experiment though! This is YOUR project, so have fun and be creative!

** For this project I have picked an assortment of pinks and purples (I know, in the picture 2 of the yarns look blue but I promise they are not… I just have a sucky camera)**

1. Make a beginning chain (ch) of 4 and slip stitch (slst) into the first chain to form a loop. You now have your ring.

2. Ch 3 (this will count as first double crochet (dc) here and throughout) dc 23 times into the ring. Now we are going to change colors. To do this you will need start as if you’re doing a regular dc. So you yarn over (yo),

Insert the hook into the following chain, yo and pull so you have three loops of the same color on the hook. Then yo so you now have two loops of the same color on your hook.

At this time you want to cut the yarn of the first color you worked with, leaving a couple of inches for a tail which you will deal with later.

Take the NEW color and loop it over your hook, again leaving a couple inch tail of the new color to be dealt with later. Pull the new loop color through the two remaining loops already on the hook and you have now changed yarns!

IMG_5996

Follow this finally by a slst into the top of the beginning chain 3 with your new color and you’re done with this row! You should have a total of 24 dc in the circle. (Don’t forget you are including the beginning ch 3)

3. Ch 3, 2 dc into the next st. **1 sc in following st, 2 dc in next st.** repeat this until you come to the last 2 dc, changing the yarn to the next 3rd in the 2nd dc. Slst into first ch 3. Total: 36

4. Ch 3, 1 dc in next ch, 2 dc in next ch, **1 dc in next 2 st, 2 dc in next st** repeat till last 2 dc. Change color to 4th color in 2nd dc. Slst into top of ch 3. Total: 48

5. Ch 3, 1 dc in each of the next 3 st, **1 dc in next 3 st, 2 dc in next st** repeat till last 2 dc. Change color to 5th color in 2nd dc. Slst into top of ch 3. Total: 60

6. Ch 3, 1 dc in each of the next 4 st, **1 dc in next 4 st, 2 dc in next st** repeat till last 2 dc. Change color to next 6th in 2nd dc. Slst into top of ch 3.

7. Ch 3, 1 dc in each of the next 5 st, **1 dc in next 5 st, 2 dc in next st** repeat till last 2 dc. Change color to next 7th in 2nd dc. Slst into top of ch 3.

8. Ch 3, 1 dc in each of the next 6 st, **1 dc in next 6 st, 2 dc in next st** all the way around. Slst into top of ch 3. Cut yarn.

IMG_5997

** You have now made a full circle with all 7 colors! Good job! At this point bind off and be sure to secure all the yarn ends and weave them into the project so they can’t be seen.

9. Repeat steps 1-8 until final dc. At the last dc Change color to next 6th in 2nd dc. Slst into top of ch 3. (This will now begin the portion of making the bag)

10. Ch 3, with the 6th color you will dc in the back loop of your next st. (The back look is the top of the dc in the previous row that is farthest from you)

1 dc in each st most of the way around. You will stop when there are 16 stitches remaining from the previous row un-worked. (This will be the opening to your bag). In your final dc you will change to the 5th color of your palate.

11. Dc around (excluding the unworked 16 ch) with the color order of 4, 5, and 6. Then bind off. Make sure to leave an extra-long tail of yarn, you’ll need it!

12. Take your yarn needle and with your extra-long tail stitch the two pieces together, leaving an opening the 16 stitches unworked. REMEMBER TO LEAVE THE UNWORKED SPACE ALONE! THAT IS THE OPENING TO YOUR BAG. You will stitch the other circle piece to the Once done bind off and make sure to sew in any remaining tails. You now have the pouch portion of your bag!

13. No more crochet needed but I hope you know how to braid! You will the first 3 colors that you used in the beginning of the project. With each color, cut 4 long strips (between 5 to 7 ft. depending on how low you want your bag to hang) and put them in front of you , keeping the colors still separate.

IMG_6000

14. Leaving a 2 in tail on the end, braid them together! Once you only have 2 inches left on the other side you tie them together.

IMG_6001

15. Finally tie both ends on either side of your pouch. Make sure they are very secure and you’re done!

IMG_6002

Ok! That’s it! This was my very first tutorial. Thanks for sticking with it. If you didn’t understand anything or was confused at any point I do apologize. Again, this is the first time I ever attempted making a step by step guide. Please feel free to comment and ask anything. I will do my best to explain anything that might have come off muddled.

Ignore Uncertainty. Stubbornly Push Forward.

I know this blog hasn’t been too much about actual crochet. I more expressed how it has been a therapeutic tool to help me through tough or uncertain times. I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way about crochet, or any hobby they have for themselves, I just wanted to start this blog with honestly and a bit of vulnerability on my part. I like being honest, but with my shy anti-social nature, it’s just easier for me to do that online where no one I know could find or see this.

‘Uncertainty seems to be my most comfortable state of mind.’, I thought to myself today because even though I have chosen my path and have decided to better myself alone, I still wonder if I made the right decision. I suppose that would be anyone who made a big life choice. Still, I can’t go back. I’m not going to try to mend burnt bridges just because it would be a safer route. But, as usual, I digress in my blog. I can’t promise I will do this less but I will try to try.

Onto actual crochet topics:

Upon reviewing other blogs, I see that people will post tutorials of their own crochet designs and projects. I like that and have decided that I might dabble in this as well. I don’t know if any of my items would be interested enough to attempt for anyone who wants to. My designs are simple and with minimal sewing or fancy techniques if I can ever help it. I suppose newbies would appreciate them. So, I guess I’ll have to pick a design and post it soon.

I’m thinking this design first:

Here is one of my custom designs. It's funky, bright and very simple. I suppose I could start with this design next post. (click on pic to link to my store for more pictures)

Here is one of my custom designs. It’s funky, bright and very simple. I suppose I could start with this design next post.
(click on pic to link to my store for more pictures)

Said and Done

It’s ok.

It was my choice. My really tough choice. I have broken, hands down, the best relationship I have had in my young life. This decision ended the relationship filled with love and utter loneliness. I might wonder about all this down the road. But I made this choice for myself. To do better and grow. When I’m in a relationship I forget everything else. It just happens. So, now I will focus on me and do what I think is best for myself.

I’ve been crocheting more. It gives me peace.

Otherwise, in life, I’m doing ok. I found some career courses at a nearby college that I can afford so I can get myself together. The fact that I’m beginning to crochet regularly again is a good thing. I’m working on social anxieties and being more open with people. I’m livin’ life readers (That’s weird I have readers. Nice but weird.)

Kind readers, I hope for happiness for all of you. You are amazing. You are loved. You are wonderful. You kick ass!

Delightful Daisy

Delightful Daisy

Said and Done. Alone again.

I Want To Punch My Heart In The Face…

I Want To Punch My Heart In The Face….

What is this? Life crashing around me? Everything I though I knew in my life is gone, twisted or lost? …. Now annoyingly dramatic.

I was in a relationship with the perfect guy. I really was. He was honest, hardworking, kind, thoughtful, loving, and a number of other outstanding and wonderful qualities.

He lives over 300 miles away. We have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. Seeing each other once a month for 2-4 days then on the phone when we could manage. It was recently that I reached my breaking point and broke it off.

I was tired of being lonely, I guess… But is it really something so simple? I miss him but I have been missing him throughout our entire relationship. So, is there really a difference between then and now? Honestly, I feel so detached and I don’t know if that is me trying to protect myself or me honestly being done with the relationship.

In most honesty though there are a number of things not going super great in my life. I can’t find a job I’m happy in so am currently unemployed. My recent research in schooling has left me disheartened because I don’t have in it me to be in debt for $40,00 grand or more. It really is awful how incredibly impossible school is for lower middle class but I digress.

There are other factors, as there always are in life, that I choose not to share. Some are too personal, some are highlighting my character faults and I can barely deal with them myself, let alone share with strangers. (No offence)

I have a couple of options in front of me… Leave everything I have (which isn’t much) to try to patch things up with the man I love in less than ideal circumstances or to drop everything that is a distraction, buckle down and make everything in MY life better to the point that I am happy alone.

Not going to lie, I could use some outside perspective and advice… If you honestly want a clearer picture ask… Of course there is more to the story, there always is.

I’m gonna go crochet a purse or something.

Looking For Noodles Tonight

There are just some days you want your comfort food. It’s not even as though you had a bad day or that something didn’t fall in your favor. Oh hell, maybe you did have a sucky day and didn’t realize it until after the fact. You just need your special dish to help bring a nice end to an exhausting day.

My dish is noodles. Delicious Japanese noodles.

I feel for you if you’re not doing well today. I hope you take the time to get your special dish and munch away happily.

Crochet notes:
I had made this yellow crochet bag that I call my “Yellow Sunshine Bag of Holding”. I could use some extra sunshine today.

sam's camera II 014

I was photo-bombed by my puppy Ophelia. She’s my wonderful Basset Hound puppy. She will be 2 years old next week. Wish her a happy birthday!

Level Start!

 

Unemployment!

Oh the wonders it does for your self-esteem as well as your once sunny outlook on life.

You’re dreary. You’re lame. You’re useless. You fail at life.

Dear Lord… Somebody find me something to eat that is smothered in nacho cheese!

*Sigh*

Life is now a sea of sending out resumes and selling myself in interviews.

That and crochet.

Crochet makes sense. Crochet is soothing. Crochet is wonderful and is what I want to do in my life. I have many dreams for my life and one of them includes a book of my very own crochet designs. I have taken a few steps to make this happen.

I have my own store:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/GamaChanRiot

I made it along with everything I’m selling on it. It has been up since early last year and I have sold 16 items. This is not including the partnership I have with a store in Cerritos, CA (GeekyMammas). BOY that is an amazing story to tell about how that ended up happening. Next time ^_^

I was employed in a place that took me away from crochet. Not because it was endless hours and weekends. Not because I have huge workloads and evil management (although it did have that).

It took away my joy, there in, taking away my desire to crochet. I am suddenly (QUITE suddenly) surprised that I am no longer there. So I can start over. I can find my joy and crochet.

I’m useless and  happy to be.

I have crochet.

IMG_5171 This item was made with sunset and sunrises in mind.